~Ray Charles
This quote is exactly what I am chasing after. My life tends to be a lot of ups and downs. I definitely would not say that it's that extreme for me to be diagnosed as bi-polar by any means but I do think that I tend to be riding a roller coaster a little more than most. Of those who know me personally... you know that I love to sleep. I have the hardest time waking up in the morning. I tend to stay up way too late at night because I know that I won't wake up in the morning and I have things that I want to do. The amount of sleep I get does not seem to make getting up in the morning any easier or harder... I can easily sleep 10 hours at night and still not want to wake up in the morning. I am just NOT a morning person!
But... if I have something exciting to look forward to sometimes it helps me to get a jumpstart in the morning. It does take a lot of excitement to get that going though. What I'd like overall though is to have such a contentment in my life that I enjoy waking up and getting on with my life every morning.
Now, don't get me wrong... I love being at home with my son and I do love my life. But daily life becomes so ordinary sometimes that it's just hard to get up and get moving. Seriously, the idea of doing laundry and vacuuming all day just doesn't do it for me. The idea of serving breakfast, then snack, then lunch, then another snack and then starting dinner... can get rather boring. Especially when I have absolutely awesome dreams. In my dreams I catch up with long lost friends and have a blast. In my dreams I don't have to worry how partying is going to affect me the next day or my liver in the long term. I can smoke easily in my dreams and it doesn't even affect my lungs! (I used to in real life but not anymore because of all of the health issues and such) Goodness, in my dreams I can smoke and not stink afterward!! My dreams are so incredibly real and vivid.
What I am hoping for through this "therapy" is to get a contentment out of life on an everyday basis that I am just plain content with everyday. I want life to be pleasurable... including making lunches everyday. I want to look forward to making honey sandwiches!
I have a feeling its going to take me longer than 30 days to get this way. I need to retrain my way of thinking a lot. I want my thinking to be positive most of the time and to keep complaints out of my head.
I want to in the end... want to wake up every morning. I don't want to wake up because I'm thrilled to do something special that day... nor do I not want to wake up because I'm too sad to go on with my day. I want to be content with what I have and to be satisfied with waking up and serving my family everyday.
What I want my view of content to look like:
But... if I have something exciting to look forward to sometimes it helps me to get a jumpstart in the morning. It does take a lot of excitement to get that going though. What I'd like overall though is to have such a contentment in my life that I enjoy waking up and getting on with my life every morning.
Now, don't get me wrong... I love being at home with my son and I do love my life. But daily life becomes so ordinary sometimes that it's just hard to get up and get moving. Seriously, the idea of doing laundry and vacuuming all day just doesn't do it for me. The idea of serving breakfast, then snack, then lunch, then another snack and then starting dinner... can get rather boring. Especially when I have absolutely awesome dreams. In my dreams I catch up with long lost friends and have a blast. In my dreams I don't have to worry how partying is going to affect me the next day or my liver in the long term. I can smoke easily in my dreams and it doesn't even affect my lungs! (I used to in real life but not anymore because of all of the health issues and such) Goodness, in my dreams I can smoke and not stink afterward!! My dreams are so incredibly real and vivid.
What I am hoping for through this "therapy" is to get a contentment out of life on an everyday basis that I am just plain content with everyday. I want life to be pleasurable... including making lunches everyday. I want to look forward to making honey sandwiches!
I have a feeling its going to take me longer than 30 days to get this way. I need to retrain my way of thinking a lot. I want my thinking to be positive most of the time and to keep complaints out of my head.
I want to in the end... want to wake up every morning. I don't want to wake up because I'm thrilled to do something special that day... nor do I not want to wake up because I'm too sad to go on with my day. I want to be content with what I have and to be satisfied with waking up and serving my family everyday.
What I think of now when I think of being content:
(this is the my favorite view from the beach while we stayed in St. Lucia... I used to just stare at it while we laid in the sun)
(this is the my favorite view from the beach while we stayed in St. Lucia... I used to just stare at it while we laid in the sun)
What I want my view of content to look like:
1 comment:
I really enjoyed reading your blog today. I love your honesty about what is going on in your life right now and I think that is a step that many don't take.
My life got turned upside down a year ago with our move and I felt somehow disconnected not having family, friends, familiar place (I moved for the very first time in my life away from the town I grew up in- don't want to confess how long that I lived there!) For some of us it is routine we are not content- others lack of it!
I think that might be one of the reasons why I felt led to do this contentment thing.
I think you are right about it taking more than 30 days to get this down but hopefully it is a good start!
Blessings! mary
Post a Comment